jamesgpobog
Squier-holic
I am a huge Fields fan, and for my money, acts 1 and 3 of 'It's A Gift' is some of the funniest things I've ever seen on film ("Oh vegetable man......oh vegetable gentleman...").
His intended autobiography 'W.C. Fields By Himself' was compiled and has commentary by his son Ronald Fields.
The letter below is something that to me is possibly the funniest thing I have ever read. Despite what it looks like, it is a crafted piece. Pay special attention to the spelling, punctuation, and timing. I hope you find it as funny as I do. IMHO it is genius.
Dear John [Barrymore],
I have been having a few drinks and I thought I would drop you a note. About this time of the year I usually take a moment to write a few letters to my good friends; the time when I remember all the good things and indulge myself to the extent of getting a little sentimental.
It is a blustery evening, but here in my Den it's coz-zy and com-fuable. I'm sitting before a nice open fire with my typewriter, John, sort of haff lissning to the radio and sllowly sipping a nice, very dry double martini. I only wish you were here, John, and since you are not, the least I cando is to toast to your health and happy-ness, so time out, old pal—while I bend my elbow to you.
I just took time to mix another Martini and while I was out in the kitchen I thought of all the time I would waste this evening if I went out to mix another drink every once in a while, so I just made up a big pitcher of Martinis and brought it back in with me so I'd have it right here beside me and wouldn't have to waste time making more of them. So now I'm all set and here goes. Besides Mratinis are great drrink. For some reson they never seeme to effec me in the slightest, and drink thrm all day long. So here goes. The greateest think in tje whole wokld, John, is friendship. Anebelieve me pal you are the gertests pal anybody ever had. do you remembre all the swell times we had together "pal??/ The wondderful camping trisp. 1*11 never forget the time yoi put the dead skunnk in my sleeping bag. He ha Bow how we laughued didn we. Never did the stin kout ouut od it. Bit it was prtetty funnya anywayh. Nev I still laught about it onec in a whole. Not as muhc as i used to. But what the heck & after all you still my beset old pal John,, and if a guy can't have a luaghg on good treu friedn one in a whiel waht the heck. Dam pitcher is impty so i just went outand ma deanotherone and i sure wisch you wee here old pal to help me drink these marotomi because they are simply sdeliuccious. Parn me whil i lieft my glass to you good helahth oncemroe John because jjhon Barrymroe best pal i goo Off cours why a pal would do a dirty thinb liek puting a skunnk in nother pals sleping bagg I&m dash if I kno. That was a lousi thing for anybodyhdy todo an only a frist clas heel would di it. Jhon, wasn a dm dam bit funney. Stil stinkkks. And if you thininkit funny your a dirity lous anasd far as Im concrened you en go plum to helll and stya ther you dirty lous. To hel with ouy.
Yours very truly.
Bill Fields
His intended autobiography 'W.C. Fields By Himself' was compiled and has commentary by his son Ronald Fields.
The letter below is something that to me is possibly the funniest thing I have ever read. Despite what it looks like, it is a crafted piece. Pay special attention to the spelling, punctuation, and timing. I hope you find it as funny as I do. IMHO it is genius.
Dear John [Barrymore],
I have been having a few drinks and I thought I would drop you a note. About this time of the year I usually take a moment to write a few letters to my good friends; the time when I remember all the good things and indulge myself to the extent of getting a little sentimental.
It is a blustery evening, but here in my Den it's coz-zy and com-fuable. I'm sitting before a nice open fire with my typewriter, John, sort of haff lissning to the radio and sllowly sipping a nice, very dry double martini. I only wish you were here, John, and since you are not, the least I cando is to toast to your health and happy-ness, so time out, old pal—while I bend my elbow to you.
I just took time to mix another Martini and while I was out in the kitchen I thought of all the time I would waste this evening if I went out to mix another drink every once in a while, so I just made up a big pitcher of Martinis and brought it back in with me so I'd have it right here beside me and wouldn't have to waste time making more of them. So now I'm all set and here goes. Besides Mratinis are great drrink. For some reson they never seeme to effec me in the slightest, and drink thrm all day long. So here goes. The greateest think in tje whole wokld, John, is friendship. Anebelieve me pal you are the gertests pal anybody ever had. do you remembre all the swell times we had together "pal??/ The wondderful camping trisp. 1*11 never forget the time yoi put the dead skunnk in my sleeping bag. He ha Bow how we laughued didn we. Never did the stin kout ouut od it. Bit it was prtetty funnya anywayh. Nev I still laught about it onec in a whole. Not as muhc as i used to. But what the heck & after all you still my beset old pal John,, and if a guy can't have a luaghg on good treu friedn one in a whiel waht the heck. Dam pitcher is impty so i just went outand ma deanotherone and i sure wisch you wee here old pal to help me drink these marotomi because they are simply sdeliuccious. Parn me whil i lieft my glass to you good helahth oncemroe John because jjhon Barrymroe best pal i goo Off cours why a pal would do a dirty thinb liek puting a skunnk in nother pals sleping bagg I&m dash if I kno. That was a lousi thing for anybodyhdy todo an only a frist clas heel would di it. Jhon, wasn a dm dam bit funney. Stil stinkkks. And if you thininkit funny your a dirity lous anasd far as Im concrened you en go plum to helll and stya ther you dirty lous. To hel with ouy.
Yours very truly.
Bill Fields