Sad thread.

jefffam

Dr NC
Jan 26, 2015
8,891
Portland, TN
I had to take a little time to consider my answer/comment.

You have my deepest, most sincere condolences on the loss of your wife. My wish for you is not the absence of grief, but a dulling of the sharpness, that pierces down through the soul.

I have somewhat of a familiarity with your situation. I lost my wife, best friend, compatriot, lover and the best part of my life for 34 years in June of last year. Unlike you, the acute medical issue was very short lived. Three days and she was gone. I still many, many times a day think I must show/tell/share this with Lisa, then the wall of she's not here slams down. While I only have one of the two guitars she gave me, she was an active participant in the purchase of so many, most all were from or through her. It is impossible to enunciate the loss and hole in my life that is left. Time will blunt the sharpness of the pain, but not remove it. My best wishes to you.

Jeff

20140623_122200.jpg 098.jpg 138.jpg
 

xtomx2000

Squier-Nut
Jun 7, 2014
528
Hamburg, Germany
I had to take a little time to consider my answer/comment.

You have my deepest, most sincere condolences on the loss of your wife. My wish for you is not the absence of grief, but a dulling of the sharpness, that pierces down through the soul.

I have somewhat of a familiarity with your situation. I lost my wife, best friend, compatriot, lover and the best part of my life for 34 years in June of last year. Unlike you, the acute medical issue was very short lived. Three days and she was gone. I still many, many times a day think I must show/tell/share this with Lisa, then the wall of she's not here slams down. While I only have one of the two guitars she gave me, she was an active participant in the purchase of so many, most all were from or through her. It is impossible to enunciate the loss and hole in my life that is left. Time will blunt the sharpness of the pain, but not remove it. My best wishes to you.

Jeff

Dear Jeff,

and my sympathy and deepest condolences to you and your loss. Lisa was a beautiful lady, I can see from the pictures and I can only imagine how you must feel after so many years and without much time to prepare for her passing away. Three days is rapid, almost like if someone dies in a car accident. I got lucky that I had three years to prepare, even if I do not know it helped much in the end...

I appreciate the wisdom in your words: It would be horrible if there was no grief at all, it would mean that our love was not real. The fact that we feel fierce grief means our love was real, pure and true and we were blessed having something, some people never have it live.

For me, grief still comes in great waves and with a certain regularity. At times I can almost repress it (mostly when I am working and feeding my brain with other tasks) but as soon as the evening comes or the weekend, it is back at full force.

As you say, it will likely last forever but hopefully, it will lose its edge and make room for fond memories and softer feelings. I wish this will also be true for you!

Tom
 

archetype

Squier-holic
Silver Supporting Member
Oct 24, 2017
2,233
Western NY, USA
@xtomx2000 thank you for the wonderful tribute to Ute. It is difficult for most people to know how you feel: most people have never experienced this and most people are not raised with any understanding of death.

My late wife was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer, one of a high percentage of non-smoking women who contract this: no one knows why. After she was diagnosed, we quickly finished restoring our house, sold it, and moved to a condominium that was better suited for her care. She lived the next 1 1/2 years in a very brave and self-directed way, on her feet and self-propelled until just before her last day, and died at home with me in August 2012.

There are occasions when I miss her terribly, but I really haven't gone through the cycle of grief that's typical. We were together 14 years, she fought and I supported her with everything we had, we left nothing unsaid or unresolved, and her life was done. As she wanted me to do, I'm looking forward and not behind me.

BTW: We were from the US, but she had lived for 4 1/2 years in Heidelburg Germany. We went to Germany for 2 weeks and visisted friends from Frankfort to Munich. I loved the country and felt very comfortable with the people. I hope to return.
 


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