Joke Thread

Discussion in 'V.C.'s Parlor' started by banjaxed, Feb 18, 2017.

  1. OOMTOM

    OOMTOM Squier-Meister

    Age:
    75
    342
    Jun 19, 2021
    Johannesburg South Africa
    True Story
    When a condom dispensing machine was first hung on the wall in my local pub many years ago there was a sign next to it that read " The contents of this machine are to British Standard XXXXXXX. The local joker wrote under the sign " SO WAS THE TITANIC " ..................
     
  2. OOMTOM

    OOMTOM Squier-Meister

    Age:
    75
    342
    Jun 19, 2021
    Johannesburg South Africa
    I went to see my doctor today who is a bit wacky. I went into his office and he said before you take a seat please go over to the Window and stick your tongue out which I did. Alright he said come and sit down. I asked how what I just did helped his diagnosis. He said Oh not at all I just don't like the guy across the street !
    Ok I said fine, but doc I am having trouble touching my toes. Doc said ok drop your pants and he reached into his desk draw and brought out a Permanent marker. On my knee caps he wrote TOES and said Ok that sorts that out for you ..........
     
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  3. brians

    brians Squier-holic

    Oct 1, 2017
    South Africa
    This will keep you alert on your way home. IMG_20210903_100918.png
     
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  4. jamesgpobog

    jamesgpobog Squier-holic

    Age:
    70
    Feb 18, 2020
    SoCal
    "Never fall in love during a total eclipse."
    ~~~ Senex
     
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  5. OOMTOM

    OOMTOM Squier-Meister

    Age:
    75
    342
    Jun 19, 2021
    Johannesburg South Africa
    I went to my local Supermarket and at checkout I Handed the pretty young teller my shopping. 2 slices of cooked ham, 1 Hamburger bread roll, 1 Tomato and 1 fresh onion. She scanned them in and turned to me and said " your single aren't you " ! I said yes I am did you guess by my shopping ? She said " No, your'e bloody Ugly " ..........
     
    mb doug, DougMen, Davis Sharp and 4 others like this.
  6. OOMTOM

    OOMTOM Squier-Meister

    Age:
    75
    342
    Jun 19, 2021
    Johannesburg South Africa
    A small boy gets lost in a shopping mall and goes over to a mall security guard and with tears in his eyes says " I lost my Grandpa ". The guard says don't worry son we will find him for you, what is his name. " Grandpa the boy says ". Ok says the guard " Whats he Like ". The boy thinks for a minute and replies " Single Malt Scotch and women with Big Boobs " ..........
     
  7. DougMen

    DougMen Dr. Squier

    Age:
    67
    Jun 8, 2017
    Honolulu, HI
  8. DougMen

    DougMen Dr. Squier

    Age:
    67
    Jun 8, 2017
    Honolulu, HI
  9. DougMen

    DougMen Dr. Squier

    Age:
    67
    Jun 8, 2017
    Honolulu, HI
  10. DougMen

    DougMen Dr. Squier

    Age:
    67
    Jun 8, 2017
    Honolulu, HI
  11. brians

    brians Squier-holic

    Oct 1, 2017
    South Africa
    Excellent Dougmen, made my Monday morning :) :)
     
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  12. DougMen

    DougMen Dr. Squier

    Age:
    67
    Jun 8, 2017
    Honolulu, HI
    Thanks, but all I did was steal them off IG, lol
     
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  13. corn

    corn Squier-holic

    Feb 27, 2013
    San Diego
  14. OOMTOM

    OOMTOM Squier-Meister

    Age:
    75
    342
    Jun 19, 2021
    Johannesburg South Africa
    A group of Nuns are out for the day to visit a local Old Age Home travelling in their Minibus. When they stop at a traffic light a Masked Villain points a gun into the passenger window and demands money. The young Novice Nun who is sat in the passenger seat starts to Sob and Panic. The mother Superior tells her " calm down Sister, just show him your Cross ". The novice turns to the villain and says " F**K off and punches him in the Face .........
     
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  15. corn

    corn Squier-holic

    Feb 27, 2013
    San Diego
    I'll be starting a Facebook Group soon about taking care of your guitar. So stay tuned.
     
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  16. MrYeats

    MrYeats Dr. Squier Platinum Supporting Member

    Age:
    66
    Dec 28, 2017
    South Texas Coast
    When I was young, playing cornhole had a whole different meaning.