Joke Thread

Discussion in 'V.C.'s Parlor' started by banjaxed, Feb 18, 2017.

  1. brians

    brians Squier-holic

    Age:
    51
    Oct 1, 2017
    South Africa
    Nice one
     
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  2. MrYeats

    MrYeats Dr. Squier Platinum Supporting Member

    Age:
    66
    Dec 28, 2017
    South Texas Coast
    Did you know that males have more knees than females?
    Left knee, right knee, wee knee.
     
    Robb, Archtops, mb doug and 3 others like this.
  3. Loin Lover

    Loin Lover Squier-holic

    Jul 26, 2018
    Backwoods, USA
    For the fishermen & fisherwomen. Anglerettes?

    online order.jpg
     
  4. OOMTOM

    OOMTOM Squier-Meister

    Age:
    75
    161
    Jun 19, 2021
    Johannesburg South Africa
    Steve and Bob in the bar after work. Steve says Hey Bob you look worried what is it. Bob replies I had my check up this morning and he bent me over and stuck a Finger up my bum. Heck replies Steve at our age that is normal so don't worry. Bob replies " so you don't think I should change my Dentist ".
     
  5. OOMTOM

    OOMTOM Squier-Meister

    Age:
    75
    161
    Jun 19, 2021
    Johannesburg South Africa
    When I was 8 years old and my brother was 6 we were playing with our toy cars on the carpet in the living room whilst our Dad watched the Horse Racing on the TV. There was a knock on the front door and Dad said one of you boys go see who it is. My brother said he would go. When he opened the door there were two guys from the Salvation Army who told him they were collecting for the Old Age Home. So he gave them my Granddad :);)
     
  6. OOMTOM

    OOMTOM Squier-Meister

    Age:
    75
    161
    Jun 19, 2021
    Johannesburg South Africa
    A wife comes home from work and says to her husband. Take off my Blouse, take off my Bra, take off my Skirt and take off my panties. If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again its a Divorce.
     
  7. OOMTOM

    OOMTOM Squier-Meister

    Age:
    75
    161
    Jun 19, 2021
    Johannesburg South Africa
    Just after Dawn the prisoner is up against the wall facing the firing squad. The sergeant strides across to him and says " you have one last request, what is it to be ". The prisoner grins and replies " can I stand on the other side of the wall ? ".
     
  8. MrYeats

    MrYeats Dr. Squier Platinum Supporting Member

    Age:
    66
    Dec 28, 2017
    South Texas Coast
    What does a vampire hooker and a bad boxer have in common?
    They both go down for the Count.
     
  9. OOMTOM

    OOMTOM Squier-Meister

    Age:
    75
    161
    Jun 19, 2021
    Johannesburg South Africa
    Again, it is just after Dawn. The prisoner stands on the platform of the Gallows whilst the knotted rope swings to and fro in the morning wind. The executioner asks him for his last request. He replies " could you put the Rope around my waist as I have a Boil on the back of my neck and it is sore "
     
  10. Twostratsfornow

    Twostratsfornow Squier-holic Silver Supporting Member

    Nov 14, 2020
    Ontario, Canada
  11. Loin Lover

    Loin Lover Squier-holic

    Jul 26, 2018
    Backwoods, USA
    I have no clue, as usual. :-/
     
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  12. Twostratsfornow

    Twostratsfornow Squier-holic Silver Supporting Member

    Nov 14, 2020
    Ontario, Canada
    Steve Cropper, a master of the Telecaster. Session player, solo artist, Blues Brother too. When you hear Sam & Dave or the Blues Brothers say “play it Steve” during Soul Man, he’s the guy. He co-wrote On The Dock Of The Bay.
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Cropper
    Sorry for the hijack folks. Back to our regular programming…….
     
  13. OOMTOM

    OOMTOM Squier-Meister

    Age:
    75
    161
    Jun 19, 2021
    Johannesburg South Africa
    Why don't Cannibals eat Clowns ? Because they Taste Funny !
     
  14. OOMTOM

    OOMTOM Squier-Meister

    Age:
    75
    161
    Jun 19, 2021
    Johannesburg South Africa
    16 months of being in lockdown, working from home and not being able to social distance myself from the Biscuit Barrel, the Fridge or the cupboard where I hide the Chocolate bars as taken toll on my body. So I have decided to go on a diet. Nothing drastic I just want to get back to the position where I can lay on the beach without concerned Marine Biologists rushing over and throwing buckets of sea water over me.
     
  15. DougMen

    DougMen Dr. Squier

    Age:
    67
    Jun 8, 2017
    Honolulu, HI
    No mention of Booker T and the MGs?
     
  16. Twostratsfornow

    Twostratsfornow Squier-holic Silver Supporting Member

    Nov 14, 2020
    Ontario, Canada
    You’re right! My bad !
     
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  17. OOMTOM

    OOMTOM Squier-Meister

    Age:
    75
    161
    Jun 19, 2021
    Johannesburg South Africa
    Two doctors are performing a C section helping a pregnant lady bring new life into the world. Both doctors are avid cricket fans and have been listening to the Test match commentary whilst they work. England are not doing well against the Spin attack of Pakistan. Just as the lady is coming out of the anaesthetic she is horrified to hear the one doctor say to the other " not going well, thats 5 out and the last one was a Duck ".