Joke Thread

Discussion in 'V.C.'s Parlor' started by banjaxed, Feb 18, 2017.

  1. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert Gold Supporting Member

    Age:
    91
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
  2. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert Gold Supporting Member

    Age:
    91
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
  3. Loin Lover

    Loin Lover Squier-holic

    Jul 26, 2018
    Backwoods, USA
    Senior citizen laugh.

    Where are your glasses?!?

    Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. “Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?” I asked.
    Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
    She was "only thinking of me", she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her.
    I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club. She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 78 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
    She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?! This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club." "Oh man, I'm in trouble again,” I said, “I really don't know what to do. I signed up for five jumps a week!!"
    The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.
    Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.
     
    JurnyWannaBe, MrYeats, brians and 6 others like this.
  4. strat_strummer

    strat_strummer John Silver Supporting Member

    Age:
    59
    Nov 24, 2018
    RC addiction....
    When I was 16 years old, I knew that my father was not too smart.
    When I turned 21, I was amazed at how much my father had learned in only five years!
     
  5. CVSteve

    CVSteve Squier-holic ‎‎‎‎‏‏‎ ‎

    Age:
    66
    Dec 28, 2017
    Texas
    Seen this one before and, yes, it is a smart person’s sport.
     
  6. ScoobySnacker

    ScoobySnacker Squier-holic

    Age:
    62
    Dec 4, 2018
    Never-reach, NY
    Steven Tyler has just released two books. One is a cookbook and the second is art related: "Wok this way" and "Doodles like a lady".
     
  7. Hugh

    Hugh Squier-Nut

    769
    Dec 15, 2009
    USA
    This girl I gave my number to finally called me and told me " come on over nobody's home"

    So I went right on over. Nobody was home :(
     
  8. Loin Lover

    Loin Lover Squier-holic

    Jul 26, 2018
    Backwoods, USA
    A hillbilly family went to the city where they visited a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.
    They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially two shiny, silver doors that moved apart and then slid back together again.
    The boy asked, “Pa, what’s that?”
    The father responded, “Son, I dunno. I ain’t never seen anything like that in my whole life. I ain’t got no idea what it is.”
    While the boy and his father watched in amazement, a heavyset, wrinkled old woman in a wheelchair rolled up to the doors and pressed a button.
    The walls opened and she rolled into a small room. The walls then closed behind her.
    The hillbillies were still staring a minute later, when the doors opened up again and a gorgeous, buxom, young, blond woman stepped out.
    The father snapped, “Son, go get your mother!”
     
  9. strat_strummer

    strat_strummer John Silver Supporting Member

    Age:
    59
    Nov 24, 2018
    RC addiction....
    If you want to know who is really man’s best friend, put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, come back an hour later, open the trunk, and see which one is happy to see you.
     
  10. strat_strummer

    strat_strummer John Silver Supporting Member

    Age:
    59
    Nov 24, 2018
    RC addiction....
    FOR SALE: tic tacs


    slightly used but, still in mint condition....
     
  11. Loin Lover

    Loin Lover Squier-holic

    Jul 26, 2018
    Backwoods, USA
    These are the first I have ever seen, the genetically altered Humming Turk.

    humming turk.jpg
     
    Viking, Eddd and Davis Sharp like this.