Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Johnny?” “My goldfish died,” replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your friggin cat.”
Appropriating a Jack Benny joke... Kid: Hey, I play guitar, too. Me: Really? Are you any good? Kid: Pretty good, I guess. Me: Do you play like me? Kid: Well, I used to. *Sigh*
I asked a friend of mine what the difference was between ignorance and apathy. He said he didn't know and didn't care.
They say that Einstein was not smart enough to tie his own shoes... I say he was smart enough to have someone do it for him.
Not a joke per se, but made me chuckle and smile. I love watching critters do silly stuff. EDIT: Oh well, evidently the video is not avilable now. The Reader's Digest play-by-play is "young panda plays with and on a snowman".
Military Intelligence. Generals parking is in the Private parking area. The Private's parking is in the General area. My sargeant once asked me what gets bigger the more you take out of it? I shrugged then said, "A hole"? Thats right, now you see that hole over there? I said yes. He says I want you to move it over there, pointing across the field. What will I do when I am finished? I ask. Put it back where you found it. He replied.
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
