Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'V.C.'s Parlor' started by banjaxed, Feb 18, 2017.
This has been shown before I’m sure but is still funny.
COVID-19: Author unknown.
1. The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.
2. I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to
someone. He asked me what I was wearing.
3. 2019: Stay away from negative people.
2020: Stay away from positive people.
4. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of
the house and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
5. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog. It was obvious
she thought her dog understood her. I came into my house and
told my cat. We laughed a lot.
6. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.
Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
7. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just
keep washing our hands?
8. This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel
sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home!
9. I never thought the comment, "l wouldn't touch him/her with a
6-foot pole" would become a national policy, but here we are!
10. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
11. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the
Backyard. I'm getting tired of the Living Room.
12. Appropriate analogy. "The curve is flattening so we can start
lifting restrictions now" is like saying "The parachute has slowed
our rate of descent, so we can take it off now."
13. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to
a bank teller wearing a mask & asking for money.
14. The spread of COVID-19 is based on 2 things:
#1 How dense the population is.
#2 How dense the population is.
How do you prounounce the capital city of Kentucky?
Lou-is-ville, prounouncing the 'S'?
We saw the capital building today.
First time we had been there.
Saw Dan'l Boone's grave.
And it's Loo-a-ville.
Not the Capitol.
Or just Loo-ville.
The new "Perfect Country and Western" song.
Ask a lady politely, to look down the neck of her dress and spell attic.
It's pronounced Louie-ville
Maybe 2nd best. To me, 1st is still: David Allan Coe w/Waylon, Charley & Merle: 'You Never Even Call Me By My Name'.
'I was drunk, the day that mom, got out of prison.
And I went, to pick her up,
in the rain.
But before I could get to the station, in my, pick-up truck,
She got run over by a damned old train'.
Maybe in the 5-0, but in
the 'Commonwealth' &
specifically, Jeff Co, it's
Loo- a -vul, thank ya..!!
I always heard it pronounced (with a southern drawl): Looovllll
Joe asked, As a frequent flyer, do you prefer BOAC coffee...
Or, TWA tea?
He got it..!!
As long as there's no
'E' or 'S'.
If a doctor didn't have any patience, he probably wouldn't have any patients.
Two life long friends are enjoying a couple drams in their local pub.
Murphy says to Pat:
Pat, if I went over to your house and made love to your wife and we had a child, would we then be cousins?
Pat thinks long and hard and answers:
Murph my matey, no, but we would be even .
Many more later...
Pat goes to relieve himself,
but being smashed, he
neglects to put it away, when he's done.
After a bit, Murph says: Hey, buddy, don't move, there's a snake crawling up yer leg...
Pat says, Well, kill it man..!!
So, Murphy hauls off & cracks a bottle on it, as hard as he can...
Pat crys out:
All saints Murph,
hit it again, man.
The sucker just bit me..!!
Yes, and it doesn't inspire a lot of confidence when they tell you they still practicing as a doctor.
My docs been practicing for 30 years, you would think he'd be ready to stop practicing and get on with the real thing.