Joke Thread

Discussion in 'V.C.'s Parlor' started by banjaxed, Feb 18, 2017.

  1. John L Rose

    John L Rose Squier-holic

    C, Eb, and G walk into a bar.
    The bartender, upon seeing them, says “sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
     
  2. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    91
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
  3. Loin Lover

    Loin Lover Squier-holic

    Jul 26, 2018
    Backwoods, USA
    My horse has insomnia and keeps everyone awake.

    She's a night mare.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2020
  4. Loin Lover

    Loin Lover Squier-holic

    Jul 26, 2018
    Backwoods, USA
    Store clerk: "Would you liked this wrapped as a gift?"
    Me: "Sure! I thought I was going to have to pay for it."
     
  5. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    91
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
  6. strat_strummer

    strat_strummer Squier-holic

    Age:
    58
    Nov 24, 2018
    RC addiction....
    ^^^^ Long time subscriber of Popular Mechanics magazine.......:D
     
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  7. MrYeats

    MrYeats Squier-holic

    Age:
    65
    Dec 28, 2017
    South Texas Coast
    This is what it is coming to....I am going to be sure to get a K&N filter.
     
  8. strat_strummer

    strat_strummer Squier-holic

    Age:
    58
    Nov 24, 2018
    RC addiction....
    NEWS ALERT: Air filter price gouging on the rise.....
     
    Eddd, Loin Lover, mb doug and 3 others like this.
  9. Loin Lover

    Loin Lover Squier-holic

    Jul 26, 2018
    Backwoods, USA
    Since I'm higher risk mine will have a B&M 6-71 blower. ;-)
     
  10. MrYeats

    MrYeats Squier-holic

    Age:
    65
    Dec 28, 2017
    South Texas Coast
    1m.jpg OK honey, I got my shopping list. I'm going to the market.
     
    BlueSquirrel, Eddd, mb doug and 4 others like this.
  11. MrYeats

    MrYeats Squier-holic

    Age:
    65
    Dec 28, 2017
    South Texas Coast
    Ever been to a picnic just to have it ruined by all the flies?
    I going to find a no fly zone for my next outing.

    Or maybe they will invent a RC drone that will have bug zappers for guns.
     
    mb doug, Viking and strat_strummer like this.
  12. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    91
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
    Jesse James boarded a train and announced "my name is Jesse James and I'm gonna rob all the men and ravish all the women"..
    Young cowpoke stood up and said " you can rob all us men but I can't let ya ravish the women folk".
    Old lady shouted " sit back down and hush your mouth cowboy, Jesse James knows how to rob a train"..
     
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  13. strat_strummer

    strat_strummer Squier-holic

    Age:
    58
    Nov 24, 2018
    RC addiction....
    “Poor Old fool,” thought this rich guy as he watched an old man trying to fish in a puddle of water outside of the bar.

    He decided to invite the old man inside for a drink and a bite to eat. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught so far?”

    The old man replied, “You’re the eighth today.”
     
  14. AngelDeVille

    AngelDeVille Squier-Nut

    Age:
    109
    987
    Jan 29, 2017
    ABQ
  15. John L Rose

    John L Rose Squier-holic

    The provenance may be dubious ("Pat McGroin"?), but it sounds legit otherwise.
    Buying guitar Extends Life.jpg

    That Medieval Plague Doctor forgot his stick.
    [​IMG]
    It's for poking at and investigating possible victims while maintaining a social distance.
    The nose part of the mask was stuffed with herbs, spices, and straw, ostensibly to eliminate the air-borne contagion and cover up the smell.

    [edit] I've been carrying a Bat Masterson style walking stick for a year or so, and it's really handy for hitting the automatic door-opener switches at some entrances, instead of using my bare hand.
     
    Davis Sharp and mb doug like this.
  16. ScoobySnacker

    ScoobySnacker Squier-Nut

    Age:
    62
    676
    Dec 4, 2018
    Never-reach, NY
    "Ring around the rosie
    Pocket full of posies
    Ashes, ashes
    We all fall down".

    Historians define the "rosie" as the boubon pustule,
    the posies exactly as here described,
    Ashes, ashes was originally "Achoo, achoo"
    And then we all die.

    And we think things are bad now.
     
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