Joke Thread

Discussion in 'V.C.'s Parlor' started by banjaxed, Feb 18, 2017.

  1. drewcp

    drewcp Squier-holic

    Age:
    36
    Dec 14, 2018
    Saint Paul, MN
    Since she's an actress, you could maybe assume the character she was playing is a blonde, if you wanted.
     
    mb doug likes this.
  2. CVSteve

    CVSteve Squier-holic

    Age:
    66
    Dec 28, 2017
    Texas
  3. MrYeats

    MrYeats Squier-holic

    Age:
    65
    Dec 28, 2017
    South Texas Coast
    Hey, I just noticed something....Large breast women have eyes.
     
  4. Loin Lover

    Loin Lover Squier-holic

    Jul 26, 2018
    Backwoods, USA
    Here is my contribution to societal enlightenment. Gotta love the '60s! Unless....OK, don't gotta love it but what a historic decade.

    gas LSD.jpg
     
  5. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    91
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
    Which one of these guys is enjoying this ride the most ???
    [​IMG]
     
  6. mb doug

    mb doug Squier-holic

    Jan 4, 2012
    Long Island
    Stole this one off of facebook



    IMG_7697.JPG
     
  7. AngelDeVille

    AngelDeVille Squier-Nut

    Age:
    109
    998
    Jan 29, 2017
    ABQ
  8. ScoobySnacker

    ScoobySnacker Squier-Nut

    Age:
    62
    713
    Dec 4, 2018
    Never-reach, NY

    Well thanks Papa, the bleach my eyes need to cleanse that picture doesn't exist.
     
  9. MrYeats

    MrYeats Squier-holic

    Age:
    65
    Dec 28, 2017
    South Texas Coast
    A Priest, a school teacher, and an engineer were on trial and set to be sent to the guillotine next morning.
    Morning came around as people gathered round the grisly site.
    First up was the Priest...The blade man says to him "Since you are a man of God, I will let you choose whether to lie face down or face up to meet your fate...
    The Priest quickly replied " I will lie face up so that my soul will rise to the heavens."
    The blade man says "Very well" as the Priest lies down facing the sky. The blade man pulls the lanyard and the blade falls only to stop inches from its gory end. The blade man says "Must be an act of God, you may go free."
    Next the school teacher asks that he may look up too and the blade man says "Sure, why not?"
    The blade falls and again inches from its end it stops. The blade man also sets the teacher free..
    When the engineer approached, the blade man says "I guess you want to face upwards as well."
    The engineer obliges and lies down. Just before the blade man pulled the lanyard, the engineer remarks
    "Hey wait a minute, I see the problem with your blade, I can fix that."
     
  10. Stillhouse

    Stillhouse Squier Talker

    Age:
    47
    75
    Dec 15, 2013
    Deep In The South Of Texas
    People these days don't know the meaning of hospitality. I went to a friend's house and they said "make yourself at home" and then got mad at me for peeing in the kitchen sink.
     
  11. A fisherman man was stopped by a game warden recently with two ice chests full of live fish in the water. He was
    leaving a river well known for its fishing.

    The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

    "Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet fish."

    "Pet fish?"

    "Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em swim
    around for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this
    ice chest and I take 'em home."

    "That's a bunch of BS! Fish can't do that!"

    The man looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the
    truth. I'll show you. It really works."

    "Okay, I've GOT to see this!"

    The man poured the fish into the river and stood and waited. After
    several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

    "Well, what?" said the man.

    "When are you going to call them back?"

    "Call who back?"

    "The FISH!"

    "What fish?"
     
  12. strat_strummer

    strat_strummer Squier-holic

    Age:
    58
    Nov 24, 2018
    RC addiction....
    LOL the wife loved that one....^^^
     
  13. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    91
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
    Sure glad I have the Kensington Washable keyboard..Spit coffee all over it..
     
  14. MrYeats

    MrYeats Squier-holic

    Age:
    65
    Dec 28, 2017
    South Texas Coast
    What do you get when you breed a beaver and a rhinoceros...?
    DamifIno.
     
  15. BlueSquirrel

    BlueSquirrel Squier-holic

    Dec 21, 2018
    France
    You guys and gals might already know this one, but let's post it anyway in case somebody hasn't read it yet. ;)

    " A doctor, a politician, a priest and a little boy are on board a plane. Suddenly, the plane flies through a terrible storm and one of the engines is struck by lightning. The pilot tells them to put on their parachutes in case they have to jump out of the plane.
    Unfortunately, there are only three parachutes remaining.

    The doctor grabs one and says, "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumps out.

    The politician then says, "I'm a politician and I believe that politicians usually are the smartest people in the world. Therefore I deserve to live."
    He also grabs a parachute and jumps.

    The priest looks at the little boy and says, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

    The little boy hands the parachute back to the priest and says, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' has just taken off with my backpack."
     
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2020
  16. BlueSquirrel

    BlueSquirrel Squier-holic

    Dec 21, 2018
    France
    That parody article from humorous site 'thehardtimes.net' made me laugh:

    "Man Who's Bad at Accepting Compliments Joins Friend's Band In Order to Avoid Them.

    LAFAYETTE, La. — Local guitarist and misanthrope Jeremy Waggoner joined his friend’s band Punted Child earlier this month to avoid any possibility of ever receiving a compliment, Waggoner’s psychiatrist confirmed."

    The rest of the story is here:
    https://thehardtimes.net/culture/ma...compliments-joins-friends-band-to-avoid-them/