Joke Thread

Shagarello

Squier Talker
A duck walks into a grocers and say's to the shopkeeper "Got any duck food ?
"Sorry" say's the shopkeeper, we don't sell duck food The duck walks out.
The next day the duck walks into the grocers again, "Got any duck food?"
"Look, I told you yesterday, we don't sell duck food, go away"
The next day the Duck goes back in to the grocers "Got any duck food?"
"Bugger off, and don't come back, WE DON'T SELL DUCK FOOD" The shopkeeper shouted.
The next day the duck walks in again "Got any duck food?"
The shopkeeper, absolutely livid by now, say's " You ask me for duck food again again I'll nail your feet to the floor".
The next day the duck walks in to the grocers "got any nails ? The shopkeeper says no.
The duck says "Got any duck food?"
Joke was posted a long time ago, so maybe someone already beat me to this link?...
 

OOMTOM

Squier-holic
Jun 19, 2021
1,344
Johannesburg South Africa
Simon's first day in his new job at the Zoo. The supervisor says Ok start off by sweeping out the Aquarium block and then the other enclosures but be careful.
Simon gets a broom and off he goes. Whilst sweeping out the Aquarium he accidently knocks a fish tank of a table and it shatters into a million pieces. Panicking he collects all the Fish into a bucket, Mops up the water and all the other debris he dumps in the dumpster. He takes the bucket of Fish and chucks it into the Lions cage. Next whilst cleaning out the Chimpanzees cage he lets them escape. He chases them into the lions enclosure, no problem. Next whilst sweeping around by the Ice Cream stall he disturbs a Bee Hive and as the bees swarm out he batters them with his broom and collects the dead corpses in his bucket. Again he disposes of the mess by chucking the squashed Bees into the Lions cage.

Next day a new Lion is introduced into the Lion enclosure. The new lion says to the other lions " what is the food like here ". They reply it is really good. Yesterday we had Fish, Chimps and Mushy Bees ................
 

Loin Lover

Dr. Squier
Jul 26, 2018
6,423
Backwoods, USA
Bubba went to the University of Kentucky* on a football scholarship. He was a very good running back, but a poor student.
At graduation day, Bubba didn't have enough credits. But he was a great football star and the students held a rally and demanded the dean give him a diploma anyway. They were so insistent that the dean agreed if Bubba could answer one question correctly he would give him a diploma.
The one question test was held in the auditorium and the students packed the place. It was standing room only.
The dean was on the stage and told Bubba to come up. The dean had the diploma in his hand and said, "Bubba, if you can answer this question correctly I'll give you your diploma." Bubba said he was ready and the dean asked him the question. "Bubba," he said, "How much is three times seven?"
Bubba looked up at the ceiling and then down at his shoes, just pondering the question. The students began chanting, "Graduate him anyway! Graduate him anyway!"
Then Bubba held up his hand and the auditorium became silent. Bubba said, "I think I know the answer. Three times seven is twenty-one."
A hush fell over the auditorium and the Kentucky students began another chant. "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
* Interchange the U of K with most any university you want.
🙂
 

corn

Squier-holic
Feb 27, 2013
3,937
San Diego
A brunette walks into the doctor and says Dr. I have a big problem everywhere I touch my body, it hurts, I touch my arm ouch, touch my leg ouch,,my stomach ouch everywhere! my knee my head ouch ouch, the doctor looks at her and says “you are really a blonde aren’t you? She says yes how did you know? Your finger is broken
 

OOMTOM

Squier-holic
Jun 19, 2021
1,344
Johannesburg South Africa
It was nearing the Smurfs festival day and Papa Smurf called a meeting. Sorry he announced but we will have to cancel Festival day because the Big Bad Wolf as been spotted close to the field. All the Smurfs were upset. Papa Smurf relented and said if one of you will volunteer to act as a Look Out from the top of the Big Tree in the field we will carry on. None of the Smurfs wanted to miss the fun on the ground but eventually Stuttering Smurf came forward and said " I wwill ddo it " and all the other Smurfs cheered. Papa Smurf said sorry but your stammer, it will not work. The other Smurfs chanted " let him do it, let him do it " Papa Smurf said ok if he can come back in 2 days and shout Wolf clearly he can do it. Stuttering Smurf went off and for 2 days practiced " wwwolf wwwolf".
So 2 days later Papa Smurf said ok let us hear it " WOLF WOLF " came stuttering Smurfs reply as clear as a Bell.
All the Smurfs shouted Well Done and Stuttering Smurf shouted Hip Hip and the others added Hooray. Hip Hip repeated stuttering Smurf and they were all eaten by a Giant Hippopotamus ! ......
 


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