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Discussion in 'V.C.'s Parlor' started by guitar guy, Oct 19, 2019.
I don't care for all that drama !
I'd beat his ass, that's not a true friend!
Screwed up thing is this is the 13th or 14th junk vehicle I've seen in his yard. He lives with his folks cause he and his step father run the same big rig together. For them living under the same roof is just simpler. I was trying to help him minimize his losses on the first fools errand and tried vehemently to stop the second one from happening. He did it anyway, and my trying to help him back fired.
His parents are taking over his finances, staging an intervention, and he being forced to see a psychiatrist and go to AA. Apparently he came clean with his mother about everything he's been doing and such. So long as he works towards positive changes in his life I'll stick around and be supportive. Maybe that makes me seem like a metaphorical 'battered wife' or some stupid crap. I feel its the right thing to do. I'm not foolish enough to think that our friendship is ever going to be the same, and I'm never going to try bailing him out of anything ever again. I have to keep in mind that at this point he's withdrawing from multiple substances, and that is going to affect his behavior. But knowing his folks and how 'nurturing' they are and that his other 'friends' aren't going to support these changes the way that they should, I know that its not my problem, but it doesn't feel right or saintly to just clean my hands of him and walk away. I never did make a good Pontious Pilot. Not in the Easter play and not as a metaphor.
No I don't hate it.
I don't quite feel we're at the point of violence
We spent most of my waking hours together today going to Advanced Auto Parts and moving the axle from my friend's Marine shop to his house. He paid for any parts he bought, like I'd be willing to pay for anything else at this point. During the couple of hours in the truck (His Tacoma that actually works) I was able to express my 'opinions' on the matter. While there were some unresolved items, for the most part I think we struck a chord. He recognized the effort that I'd put forth trying to fix the issue and absolved my friend and I of the remaining $250. He's attempting to make changes in his life; the biggest of which - not frequenting bars. I'm going to help him keep the truck as I feel it will give him something to do to distract him from the things he's trying to avoid. Mostly this means that once it is able to move under its own power I'll be allowing him to keep it on my property temporarily, until we can find a more permanent solution. I'm not foolish enough to think that our friendship will ever be what it was, and believe me there were some very good times and there were times that he put himself out for me and helped me obtain goals of my own. It doesn't feel right to ghost the guy when he's literally two steps away from rock bottom. Maybe I'm to nice... Maybe I'm naïve… I don't know. I'm cleaning up the mess that I am in... and then I'm going to calmly reassess the situation and see exactly where the puzzle pieces fall. I might end up ghosting after all, but it really isn't my style.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, you're the salt of the earth!
Look out for yourself though mate!
Of course. I stumbled into this drama blindly and I'm clawing to get out. I will get out and once I do I'll have my guard up. Especially knowing what I do now. I'm not letting anyone drag me down. You don't back baby into a corner.
I was in a similar situation to what it sounds like this friend is going through when I was his age, I wish I had a friend like you at the time. I'm clean and serene for quite some time now, but I didn't have anyone like you to talk sense into me, and to do things with to distract me from everything.
All my friends were like I was, addicts; so to better myself I had to distance myself from all of them and go through it alone.
A lot of respect for what you're doing, but really hoping the best for you in terms of getting dragged through the poop in the process.
I've always been the guy that would rather be in the trenches. But what you said about wishing you had a friend...that's exactly why I decided to stick with it. What kind of a friend would I be if I just walked away.
Asking out of curiosity.
How does it work in Florida when you trade guns? Does the new owner have to re-register them?
Its okay to be a friend I suppose going forward if you so choose, but I would do it keeping your nose clean. Meaning, do not get involved in or help with any projects, do not offer any storage solutions, do not lend or borrow money, nothing with any ties, involvement, or complications whatsoever. Just, we have a chat sometimes, and that's it.
I don't think guns need to be registered in any southern state I have ever heard of, including Florida. Here we transact in the Walmart parking lot and call it a day. Unless you're talking a SBR or something else that requires a tax stamp.
Uh, err, but that was back in the day before I lost all my guns in a tragic boating accident.
Florida has legal ftf transfers. We also do not have a firearms registration laws. If you purchase a new gun or a gun from a dealer then you have to do the background check. If two private individuals who do not have ffls in their name want to sell or trade guns they can legally and legally without a paper trail. Anytime I've done it I've used a Texas style bill of sale that requires accurate drivers license info and makes the buyer agree to the same questionaire as on the back ground check. Covers everyone's rear.
So yeah... I borrowed expensive (high end floor jack and jack stands) tools from my family and spent another whole day driving around picking up lug nuts and helping him install the axle. I had work that night and had already sacrificed a ton of sleep through the whole week towards this project. I helped him until I was down to two hours of sleep before my next shift and told him I had to call it a day. Today he let me know how much he didn't appreciate me bailing on him and called me a liar cause I said said we'd get the axle installed that day...not my fault that I had to drive to 3 different auto zones and the axle took much longer than we had allotted time for. And I can recall at least twice that I had to get at least some sleep. Even when his other friend came over they didn't finish getting the axle under the truck until well after I had gotten to work. So it wouldn't have mattered anyway. So I had his mom open the garage and I took my tools back and we'll, I'm feeling like the little bit patience I had for his situation have been spent. I can't do anymore for him and in bot putting myself out again just to get crapped on. I really hope he gets his crap together, I really do. But I wont be there to see it happen.
You put in a good effort and now you can sleep when you need to. Think of yourself, It won't hurt and it is not wrong.
cut your losses and move on. it sucks and everything, but it's not worth it.
At this point I don't even think it sucks. I did everything I could to help the little effer and I can't stand around and be some ones punching bag. Cutting him loose makes my life simpler in several ways. Again I just wish him the best.
I've been monitoring the situation and he's actually come around and apologized for his behavior...something I never thought would ever happen. But there is a very distinct difference in his behavior here of late, and he hasn't been frequenting the bar at all. I'm leery, but it looks like everything will be fine in the end...hopefully. The really good thing is that he's become more stable than I ever thought he could be, and he's actively noticing the improvements in his life since he quit substance abuse. Even my wife has noted that she's been rather impressed with him lately, and that aint an easy thing to accomplish. He even cut poor influences out of his life, which is what really made me believe that he is truly trying to be a better person. I'm literally the only friend he kept. So I'm really hoping he doesn't 180 again, but I'll be there to support him so long as he does his best to stay on the dry side of life.
Be strong for him, but like you said, keep one eye open for cracks that can develop and be somewhat distant. You know that once a person gains your confidence, they start to maneuver you....Be careful.
Its gonna be tricky, But I do my best to do right by people. I try to keep in mind that we are all human and we all stumble. Lord knows I'd have no friends if everyone held forever-grudges against me. I just really hope, for his sake more so than my own, that that he can stay on his current path.