Joke Thread

Discussion in 'V.C.'s Parlor' started by banjaxed, Feb 18, 2017.

  1. DougMen

    DougMen Squier-holic

    Age:
    65
    Jun 8, 2017
    Honolulu, HI
    Do you think that woman is a blonde?
     
  2. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    90
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
    Hey, I resemble that remark..
     
  3. DrBeGood

    DrBeGood Squier-holic

    Dec 9, 2014
    Sutton QC, CANADA
  4. A husband and wife, who worked for the circus, went to an adoption
    agency. The social worker raised doubts about their suitability.

    The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot motorhome, which was
    clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

    The social worker then raised concerns about the education a child
    would receive while in the couple's care.

    "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the
    usual subjects along with foreign languages, and computer skills."

    Then the social worker expressed concern about a child being raised in
    a circus environment.

    "Our nanny will be a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and
    diet."

    The social worker was finally satisfied and asked, "What age of child
    are you hoping to adopt ?"


    "It doesn't really matter ... as long as the kid fits in the cannon."
     
  5. John L Rose

    John L Rose Squier-Meister

    406
    Mar 16, 2016
    Sackville, NB, Canada
    On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

    The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Again, the authorities take this as a sign of divine intervention, and they release the drunkard as well.

    Next is the engineer. He, too, decides to die facing up. As they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, the engineer suddenly says, "Hey, I see what your problem is ..."
     
  6. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    90
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
    Bill was approached by a grammar specialist who said


    "Ain't No sunshine" is bad grammar

    Bill quickly replied:

    I Know I Know I Know I Know I Know I Know I Know I Know
    I Know I Know I Know I Know I Know I Know I Know I Know
     
  7. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    90
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
    Accidentally dropped the entire Viagra prescription in the toilet..


    Couldn't get the damn seat to stay down for 2 days..
     
  8. John L Rose

    John L Rose Squier-Meister

    406
    Mar 16, 2016
    Sackville, NB, Canada
    [​IMG]
     
  9. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    90
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
    Sorry I should have said Bill Withers..But I thought everyone would know..
     
  10. How can you not get it?

    No, you shouldn't have.

    Cheers, Barrie.
     
  11. Humm ? … suddenly a realization o_O


    Don'tKnowHow.jpg


    Cheers, Barrie.
     
  12. John L Rose

    John L Rose Squier-Meister

    406
    Mar 16, 2016
    Sackville, NB, Canada
    Okay. That helped.

    :confused: Sorry Barrie, he did have to.
     
  13. Loin Lover

    Loin Lover Squier-holic

    Jul 26, 2018
    Backwoods, USA
    I know there are lots of car guys/gals here who can appreciate this.

    wiper blades.jpg
     
  14. duceditor

    duceditor Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    73
    May 29, 2014
    The Monadnocks, NH USA
    Screen Shot 2020-02-08 at 9.39.16 AM.png


    Real article?

    As real as anything in The Babylon Bee! :D

    -don
     
  15. CVSteve

    CVSteve Squier-Nut

    Age:
    65
    732
    Dec 28, 2017
    Texas
    An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer , became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic. He put up a sign outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s Clinic – Get your treatment for $500. If not cured, get back $1,000.”

    Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

    Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”

    Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from the box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr.Young’s mouth.”

    Dr. Young: “Aaagh! This is gasoline!”

    Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

    Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

    Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

    Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

    Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t – that’s gasoline!”

    Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

    Dr. Young (after having lost $1,000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

    Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak – I can hardly see anything!”

    Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so here’s your $1,000 back” (giving him a $10 bill).

    Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”

    Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

    Moral of the story* – Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “Old Geezer.”

    *Remember: Don’t make old people angry. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to annoy us.

    ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!

    P.S. Written in large print for “Old Geezers.”
     
    brians, mb doug, Mr Bones and 9 others like this.
  16. duceditor

    duceditor Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    73
    May 29, 2014
    The Monadnocks, NH USA
    Reminds me of the similar story quite popular some years ago in Florida retirement communities.

    And old lady drives her Cadillac to the supermarket and drives around several times looks for a parking space.

    Finally a spot opens up but before she can pull in a kid in a hot sports car zips in ahead of her.

    Getting out he calls to the old woman "That's what you can do when you're young and fast!"

    The old lady puts her Caddy in gear and pulls into the spot crushing his little sports car like it's a tin can.

    As she gets out she calls to him -- "and that what you can do when you're old and rich."

    Good one granny! :)

    -don
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice