Joke Thread

Discussion in 'V.C.'s Parlor' started by banjaxed, Feb 18, 2017.

  1. Grammar Lesson

    *Is it "complete", "finished" or "completely finished"?*

    *No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the
    difference between these two words - "Complete" or "Finished".*

    *In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by,
    supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was
    the clear winner with a standing ovation
    which lasted over 5 minutes.*

    *The final question was: 'How do you explain the difference between
    COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people
    say there is no difference between
    COMPLETE and FINISHED.'*

    *Here is his astute answer:*

    *"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the
    wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with
    the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"*


    Cheers, Barrie.
     
  2. Loin Lover

    Loin Lover Squier-holic

    Jul 26, 2018
    Backwoods, USA
    A husband and wife are sitting together in their family room. She decides to watch a sitcom. He opens a laptop, puts on headphones, and is drooling over a Les Paul Florentine demo video on bluetoob, volume easily loud enough he cannot hear the TV.

    The husband rarely curses, certainly does not use vulgarity regularly.

    He has an accident, makes a little mess. He says &#%&$.

    For the next several seconds the husband feels the wife's eyes shooting lasers through him.

    He finally looks at her, pauses, then says "what?"

    Wife said "you said $^&*%$."

    Several seconds pass. Husband says "I didn't hear it."
     
  3. MrYeats

    MrYeats Squier-holic

    Age:
    64
    Dec 28, 2017
    Padre Island
  4. Loin Lover

    Loin Lover Squier-holic

    Jul 26, 2018
    Backwoods, USA
    Not mine, so not sure. I do not believe 1965 Impalas had solid lifter nor higher than 300HP small block engines, perhaps the 409s and 396s. I certainly could be mistaken. I am not an expert at anything.

    I have a '65 SS 327 300HP. Well, technically I own it. She has been in storage in MO since 1990. I hope to get her home soon but not able to logistically yet. When I finally do get her home that previous picture will be me. :)
     

    Attached Files:

  5. MrYeats

    MrYeats Squier-holic

    Age:
    64
    Dec 28, 2017
    Padre Island
     
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  6. ToneChaser77

    ToneChaser77 Squier-Meister

    Age:
    42
    137
    Sep 29, 2019
    Milledgeville, Ga
    There was young boy sitting on his stoop eating candy just as fast as he could unwrap it. When a man walking by said "Young man you shouldn't be eating that much candy. You'll spoil your dinner not to mention its unhealthy." The boy replied "I dont think so. My grandfather lived to be 102"
    " Wow" said the man "and he did that by eating candy?"
    "No" he said " by minding his own business"
     
  7. Loin Lover

    Loin Lover Squier-holic

    Jul 26, 2018
    Backwoods, USA
    Obviously not a factory stock engine. There is no telling what the block was originally in without running #s. 327s were available for most every model that year. My Impala gurus owe me an answer to HP in Impala 327s that year.

    Many folks do not realize the 409 was still produced the first half of 1965 production, then came the 396. Those were what folks wanting power and torque went with. Mine is a mouse.

    UPDATE: Impala gurus say 300 HP was max for the Impala in '65. Corvettes and Chevelles had a 327/360 HP option (solid lifter valvetrain I mentioned earlier).
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2019

  8. A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars
    for dinner

    The man took out his wallet, took out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless man replied.

    "Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food? the man asked.

    "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

    "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

    The homeless man was astounded.

    "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?" the man replied.


    "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf.
     
  9. MrYeats

    MrYeats Squier-holic

    Age:
    64
    Dec 28, 2017
    Padre Island
    The L84 is 375hp factory.
    http://www.superchevy.com/features/sucs-0732-chevy-l79-engine
     
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  10. Loin Lover

    Loin Lover Squier-holic

    Jul 26, 2018
    Backwoods, USA
    Kenneth Mountain and MrYeats like this.
  11. MrYeats

    MrYeats Squier-holic

    Age:
    64
    Dec 28, 2017
    Padre Island
    I'd love a 66 chevelle, and I am a Ford guy.
    I guess I better tell a joke.

    What does a bad boxer and Dracula's wife have in common?
    They both go down for the count.
     
  12. strat_strummer

    strat_strummer Squier-holic

    Age:
    57
    Nov 24, 2018
    Burnin some Nitro...
    Ha welcome to my world brother ^^^
     
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  13. MrYeats

    MrYeats Squier-holic

    Age:
    64
    Dec 28, 2017
    Padre Island
    I suppose it is better than putting grease in a rear end,
     
    Kenneth Mountain likes this.
  14. corn

    corn Squier-holic

    Feb 27, 2013
    San Diego
    :( :(
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2019
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