Joke Thread

Discussion in 'V.C.'s Parlor' started by banjaxed, Feb 18, 2017.

  1. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    89
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: “Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?”

    Watson said, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

    Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”

    Watson: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”

    Holmes: “Somebody stole our tent.”
     
  2. Holmes … AKA Captain Obvious. :D
    Cheers, Barrie.
     
    Kenneth Mountain likes this.
  3. DaveDrums

    DaveDrums Squier-Nut

    900
    Feb 2, 2017
    MA, USA
    @Papa Joe I read all your ‘Joke Thread’ posts to my wife whether she appreciates them as much as I do or not.
     
  4. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    89
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
    That may not be the wisest thing to do..Like Confucies says,
    Man who makes war with wife all day
    Gets no piece at night.
    (I meant peace)..sorry for the misspell.
     
  5. DaveDrums

    DaveDrums Squier-Nut

    900
    Feb 2, 2017
    MA, USA
    She gets a good laugh out of most of em. My delivery is probably off since I giggle reading through them again.
     
    Kenneth Mountain likes this.
  6. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    89
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
    A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

    THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.

    SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

    THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

    THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

    THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.

    THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

    THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

    THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
    HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."

    HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

    THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.

    "I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."
     
  7. Got this power bill in the mail today. On the back flap it was printed ...

    Bill.jpg

    My first thought was "I bet it does!". Sure enough ... it had gone up. :rolleyes:

    Cheers, Barrie.
     
  8. Papa Joe

    Papa Joe Squier-Axpert

    Age:
    89
    Dec 12, 2009
    Swanton Ohio
    Dad: "Say Dada!"
    Kid: "Mama"
    Dad: "No, Dada!"
    Kid: "Mama"
    Dad: "No, say DA-DA!"
    Kid: "Mama"
    Dad (turning away, under his breath): "@#$%!"
    Kid: "@#$%!"
    Dad: "WHAT did you say?"
    Kid: "@#$%!"

    Mom returns home.

    Mom: "How's my little sweetie?"
    Kid: "@#$%!"
    Mom: "Oh dear, who taught you THAT word?"
    Kid: "DADA!"
    _________________
     
    Loin Lover, Kenneth Mountain and -r3- like this.
  9. duceditor

    duceditor Dr. Squier

    Age:
    72
    May 29, 2014
    The Monadnocks, NH USA
    Screen Shot 2019-03-23 at 9.30.16 AM.png


    (Bet they think he's the bass player!)

    -don
     
    vlxerdon and Loin Lover like this.
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